Squids Don't Cry
by Crystal Manning
Summary: Sometimes the only thing one can do to let out the stress in their lives is to cry. Squid would rather die than to let on that anything was wrong with him so he bottles it all inside, no matter how much pressure builds up. The more pressure he feels the more he begins to fade away. All because squids don't cry.
1. Chapter 1

_**-1-**_

_Oh damn, not again!_

Squid pressed his lips together and squeezed his eyes shut, cutting off the sight of the moonlight filled tent. His ears still worked properly and the sound of Armpit's excessive snoring still grated on his nerves as usual. But maybe it was loud enough to keep the sobs that wanted to fly out of his mouth from being heard by anyone.

It's what he gets for thinking about his life again, the forbidden topic. Usually he was able to just forget about it, focus on something else to dream about: girls, money, girls, the perfect life, the future, and girls. Oh how he missed a woman's touch. Being around boys 24/7 was starting to drive him crazy. But it was his own fault.

Eighteen months at a stupid camp all for stealing soda and money. He didn't even know how long he'd been there at that point but he's seen three others go. BarfBag, Pincher, and Crybaby. He wasn't particularly close with them as he was with X-Ray, Armpit, and Zigzag. Sure, he got along with the others but he just didn't get them. He and Magnet always seemed to butt heads.

Sighing, he rolled onto his back. _Okay, think about something else, anything else but that craptastic place you call a home. _Squid never felt like he had a home. To him a home was where he would live happily with his mother and father and feel the love that came from them with every look or smile thrown his way. But he wasn't allowed that luxury. Oh no, he was sentenced to a life of pain and neglect. He had been scarred when his father left him at three-years-old under the guise of "going out for ice cream". Squid always believed that his father would come back and sat by the door, watching and waiting. It took him three years to finally understand this his father wasn't coming back and that his mother was suffering a lot more than he thought.

She turned to alcohol for comfort an love and eventually that's what her life revolved around. He constantly pretended that nothing was wrong but that was hard to carry on after a glass bottle was thrown at your head and it split open leaving a scar.

Squid, as if on auto-pilot, lifted his head and brushed his fingers against the scar on his hairline. No one would ever notice it because of his hair and how close it was to his hair line, even if they were looking. Not that he wanted them to notice. He didn't want anyone to know what went on at home. This was an escape. People called it Hell but he reserved that name for his life back in society.

Bringing his hand up he angrily bruised his fingers against his cheek to push away the tear that had slipped down his face. Crying was for the weak and weak he was not.

"You okay?"

Squid sucked in a breath and held it. No one else should have been awake and yet, there Caveman was staring at him. Squid tried to move his eyelids so he was glaring at the curly-haired newbie but his eyes stung too much. They were probably bloodshot as well.

"Yeah, I just…I'm fine," Squid mumbled before rolling over so his back was facing the boy.

_Nosey piece of shit._

He settled into an uncomfortable sleep that was plague with nightmares (or were they memories?) until the sound of the reveille finally roused him from his half sleep. After getting his jumpsuit on he shuffled past the other campers, quickly making a beeline for the door but Caveman had snuck up on him and asked how he was doing.

"What are you, my mother?" He bristled. It was too early for this and he definitely did _not_ want to have this conversation. At all. Ever. And the way Caveman was looking at him really made his blood boil. He rolled his eyes. "I got allergies, okay?" He grunted.

"Okay," Caveman replied.

Squid grabbed the collar of his jumpsuit and held him close to his face before growling, "You open your mouth again, and I'll break your jaw." With a shove he let Caveman go and went to join Zigzag who had been waiting for him.

"Everything alright?" Zigzag asked, his wide eyes glancing back over his shoulder.

Squid grunted and shoved his hat over his head. "Caveman's just bein' a Neanderthal as usual," Squid responded while shoving his hands into his pockets. He was walking towards the Shovel Shed but he felt like he was walking towards the tool he would use to dig his own grave, or dig a hole deeper than it already was for him to jump into.

The longer the days went by the more helpless he felt, like the world was against him and it would just be easier for him to sink deep down inside of himself instead of fighting back. It was starting to become harder to breathe, harder to act and react except for in anger and frustration. He felt the urge to scream and just let it all out but it was stuck inside of him, inside of his chest and the ache was only getting bigger and bigger as the day went on.

Squid reached out for a shovel and yanked it off of the hook, grunting at the strain the sudden weight put on his wrist as he clutched it in his hands. He shifted the digging tool and shook out his left hand, flexing his wrist.

"'M alright," he said in response to the look X-Ray was giving him. "Muscle's a little sore."

That was a lie.

He's been there for four months, two months shy of X-Ray's six, and his muscles shold have been adjusted to the workload by now. But X-Ray didn't question him on it and he kept going.

Squid licked his dry lips and let his caramel brown eyes shift around to the other tired campers. Biting down on his lower lip slightly he tugged the sleeve of his jumpsuit a little further down on his left arm, up until it covered his palm. Then he pulled on his gloves to prep for the day and jogged to catch up to his tent leader.

_Here we go again._


	2. Chapter 2

**_-2-_**

"Alan—hide! Hide!"

Alan looked up from the book he was coloring in quietly. A smile formed on his face when he saw his mother running up the stairs but it fell when he saw the look in her eyes. "Mommy?" He questioned, getting to his small feet. He grabbed onto his small table to make sure he was standing upright. "Mommy?" He repeated.

His mother dropped to her knees and took his shoulders. "Please do as Mommy says," she said and brushed hair off of his forehead. "Go hide, under the bed."

Alan pressed his lips together and nodded. He dropped onto his stomach and crawled beneath the bed. He watched as his mother's feet turned towards the door and jumped when she let out a little scream of surprise. His heart began to beat harder against his chest.

"Where's Alan?" He heard his father ask.

Alan clamped his small hands over his mouth. He didn't like the tone his father was using. It was off. A little bit hard. Not filled with warmth like it usually was.

"He's at Marge's," his mother replied. "He's not here."

"Good."

A few moments later Alan could see his father's feet moving in front of the bed and the familiar groan of the bedsprings as he sat down. Alan stared at his father's heels and then heard a clicking sound. His nose twitched when the bitter smell of smoke reached his nose. It made his stomach churn.

"Don't drop it! I paid good money for this shit," James grunted.

"I won't, I won't," Alyssa replied. Alan curled into a ball, resting one hand beneath his head. He sighed quietly and watched as his mother's knees appeared in his line of vision, followed quickly by the sound of sniffing. "That was good stuff."

"It better be."

"Stop blowing smoke in my face. Let me have some of that."

"I know something else you can have. Much better to suck on…"

Alyssa's knees turned in Alan's direction and she shuffled closer to the bed. Alan's eyebrows crinkled together at the sudden silence that fell over them. Maybe they'd finally leave…

The metallic sound of a belt coming undone made Alan's hands fly up to his ears. He pressed his palms down but it didn't block out the moans that fell out of his father's mouth. He shifted his hands from his ears to his mouth to keep the soft whimpers that were starting to escape from reaching his parents' ears. If they heard him he'd be in big trouble. He was still in a little bit of pain from his last punishment, he didn't want to be punished again.

Alan jumped and hit his head on the underside of the bed when it suddenly creaked loud from above him. His parents were too busy to notice the sound for they were making their own loud sounds to drown him out. He heard the sound of a pants zipper moving along the track, a few moans, and then a loud gasp. Alan squeezed his eyes shut and let the tears fall down his face. He reached out blindly and felt his fingers brush against something soft.

He pulled his stuffed rabbit closer to his chest and held onto it tightly, letting his mind wander. He couldn't go far enough because of the noises his parents were making coupled with the creaking and shaking of the bed.

"That feels good," Alyssa moaned as James grunted very quietly. She kept moaning and gasping, letting out yelps of pleasure. "Oh god, harder." The headboard began to hit the wall in a somewhat steady rythym. She moaned louder and screamed and yelled with pleasure. Then all the banging stopped.

"Ah," she moaned with triumph, "that was good."

"You bet yer ass it was," James responded before a loud _smack_ filled the air quickly followed by a giggle.

Alan looked through watery, squinted eyes to see two sets of feet touch the ground before they disappeared altogether. He held his breath for a few moments and then finally heard the front door close. He began to openly sob and hold the rabbit tight in his small hands.

He stayed under the bed for two days straight before his mother remembered he was there.

**###**

"This is stupid," Squid grumbled as she slumped in his seat. He spun his doo-rag around his fingers until it resembled a thick rope and then spun it the other way. Next to him Zigzag crossed his arms over his chest. His skin was tinged a light red from sunburn.

You'd think having the 'campers' digging in the hot sun all day would prompt someone to give them sunscreen but they weren't given that luxury. They only had hats to protect their faces from the harsh glare of the sun. The 'campers' only have privileges at Camp Green Lake, they didn't have rights.

Squid slumped in his seat as Dr. Pendanski finally entered with a clipboard in his hands. Apparently he had given up on waiting for Stanley to get back from digging his hole. He was always holding them up and keeping them in their weekly meetings much longer than any of them wanted to be there. Armpit even demanded to know why they waited once. Pendanski said it would be polite of them to wait. Armpit told him where they could stick their politeness.

"Boys, you are a long way from home," Pendanski started at he let his eyes travel around the small circle that D-Tent formed in the now empty Mess Hall. Magnet made a grunting sound but otherwise didn't say a word. "You have no one else out here but each other. D-Tent should become like your family during your sentence and a family is built on respect. Something that which this group lacks." Squid rolled his eyes and Zigzag made a scoffing sounds. Magnet shook his head and glanced to Armpit. X-ray and Zero were the only ones who didn't move. "So what we're going to do today is share about our families."

Squid's fingers tightened against his doo-rag and he lifted his head to look right at Pendanski. _What!? _Was he crazy? No one cared about the meetings they had to go to. It was a hue waste of time. A joke even. And now he wanted them to talk about their _families_? He let his eyes travel around the group. He couldn't be the only one against it, could he? But it seemed as if he were. The others weren't too bothered about having to share about their lives.

Zigzag's wide eyes turned to look at Squid and he frowned. His friend had a tight grip on his doo-rag and had a faraway look in his eyes. His teeth constantly rolled his toothpick from side to side. Finally Zigzag nudged him. "Y'alright?" He asked.

Squid nodded. "Yeah, man, 'm fine," he grunted in response. "Jus' think this is a waste of time."

"Who would like to share first?" Dr. Pendanski's questions broke into Squid's and Zigzag's short lived conversation. He let his eyes scan the group before resting on X-Ray who had lifted his hand. "Rex! Great! Please share with us."

X-Ray had an easy going smile on his face, the kind that Squid recognized instantly as one he used right before he was about to cause some trouble. "My dad works out of town a lot so I don't see him that much," X-Ray started as he fiddled with his classes. "Every few months or so. I talked to him on the phone a lot when I was home. My mom works two jobs to support us. She's a mailwoman, y'see? That hardly puts food on the table. She also works at H+R Block. That's a little bit better but not enough, right? So, being the loving son that I am…"

Squid scoffed. _Loving son my ass._ He slumped in his seat and began to wrap his doo-rag around his wrist. He pulled it tight, unraveled it, and then wrapped it again, but the opposite way. He shook his head the longer X-Ray's story went on. What started as a story about his family turned into how he wasn't at fault when it came to him being sent to CGL. A tired story he's heard millions of times.

_Can't talk your way out of this one, X. Pendanski doesn't buy that bullshit_. Squid's ears tuned X-Ray back in when he finished his story with, "So, you see? I didn't do anything wrong. I was just trying to help my dear mother."

"You're a real saint, X," Squid mumbled.

"Now, now. This is an open forum, yes, but there's no need for the sarcasm, Alan," Dr. Pendanski scolded him.

"It's Squid," he grunted.

Pendanski ignored him and looked around the circle. "Who's next? Ah, Ricky, yes. What would you liek to share?"

"Well," Zigzag started, his bass voice booming in the room. "I'm the oldest in my family. I have nine brothers and sisters and—"

"Whoa! Your parents were _busy!_" Magnet cracked. He fist bumped Armpit who was laughing along with him.

Zigzag pressed his lips together and waited for the others to stop before continuing. "As I was saying I have nine brothers and sisters. And a lot of aunts and uncles and cousins. My dad is a lawyer and my mom stays at home taking care of all of us. I think we drive her crazy sometimes."

"Maybe that's where you get it from, Ziggy," Armpit joked.

"Now Theodore, Ricky is nice enough to share with us there's no need for the comments. This is an exercise about respect after all. Something that you all are lacking," Pendanski told him. Armpit rolled his eyes but fell silent. "Continue, Ricky."

"No, 'm fine," Zigzag replied while crossing his arms over his chest.

"Okay then," Pendanski sighed. "Alan, how about you? Anything you'd like to share?"

Squid's head jerked up to look at Pendanski when he was addressed. He glared over at Pendanski who was looking at him expectedly. Squid's fingers curled into fists and, at that moment, all he really wanted to do was punch Pendanski in the face. Pendanski knew what his parents were like; he knew what everyone's parents were like. They had files stored away, after all. Squid had even gone in search for them once. He was able to read Magnet's, X-Ray's, and Armpit's before he was caught and put on dishwashing duty as punishment.

He sucked in a breath and felt everyone's eyes on him. What was he supposed to say? The truth? That his father is a deadbeat who left when he was three and that his mother was an alcoholic crackwhore? Ha. Fat chance. That'd only give him pity that he didn't want and be associated with people he didn't care about at all. But if he lied about them then someone would surely know that he was lying and find out the truth eventually. If they really wanted to know they'd be smart like him and go through the files to figure it out. The worst part of it all was that he was still holding onto the hope that his family would go back to normal.

And that was just stupid and pathetic.

"Alan?" Pendanski prompted. Planting his feet onto the floor, Squid abruptly stood and walked towards the door. "Where are you going? The meeting's not over?"

"It is for me," he called over his shoulder. "No one cares about this! It's just a waste of our time."

"Are you scared to share?" Magnet called out.

Squid released a bitter laugh but didn't stop his stride. "There's nothing special about my parents to share. They're dead, end of story."

He yanked open the door and slammed it shut behind him. He only walked a few paces when he collided with Stanley. The force of the collision was enough to send both stumbling to catch their balance. "Watch where you're going, Stanley!" He growled. Shoving the other boy's shoulder he stalked back to the tent and then kicked at the leg of Stanley's cot.

Chest heaving, he went over to his crate and began to dig around in it, moving his rubber octopus aside and picking up his worn hardback copy of _Treasure Island_. Lifting the flap on the back cover he pulled at the razor blade that was taped to the underside. He dropped the book and carefully placed the razor atop of it before ridding himself of his orange jumpsuit so he was left standing in his t-shirt, boxers, and work books. He lifted the hem of his boxers until a myriad of scars became illuminated underneath the golden glow of the lamps.

He grabbed the blade again and pressed it into his skin. He bit down on his lip to keep from making a sound at the pain that stretched across his thigh, the longer he dragged the blade across his skin. A thin red line of blood pushed to the surface before it slowly started to slip down. Squid let out a sigh and used his doo-rag and whatever water was left in his canteen to clean his leg and the razor blade.

_96 down. 451 to go._


End file.
